How Narcissists/Batterers Abuse Children During Divorce

Narcissistic Parents Emotionally Abuse Children. -

Narcissists often use children as pawns during and after divorce. Learn to identify this emotional abuse of children caught in the middle.

The emotional abuse by a narcissist is pervasive and insidious. It impacts not only the narcissist’s spouse but his or her children as well. Once divorce proceedings begin, the narcissist’s abuse will likely escalate. Narcissists will use any means possible to gain control of the situation or to make themselves look better. Children become perfect pawns for narcissistic parents to use against their spouses. Identifying how narcissistic parents abuse their children is the first step to devising strategies to minimize abuse and help children cope.

Using Children as Pawns in Divorce

Narcissistic parents will often seek custody of children during a divorce even if previously they were not involved parents. It’s important to them to appear to be the better parent. Also, if they have custody of the children, it gives them another way to continue to control and abuse their spouse.

If narcissists don’t get custody of the children, after divorce, they may use visitation as a means of control and harassment. They may ask for many changes to visitation schedules to accommodate optional work, social and vacation events. Most often these requests will be to not to have the children when they are scheduled to. Narcissists may refuse to accommodate the spouse’s requests even when the requests are made for the benefit of the children.

Narcissists may also be late in picking up the children for visitation or not picking them up at all. They may make last minute changes and expect to be accommodated. When they are not, they will cite this as an example of how unreasonable their spouse is. Narcissists may also take advantage of third parties such as school, daycare or friends and family who don’t know the agreements made with the other parent. It’s important to note that all of these tactics by the narcissist have nothing to do with the best interest of the children. It’s simply a way for the narcissist to play games and have control.

Emotional Abuse by a Narcissistic Parent

Narcissists will use people in whatever way in necessary to get what they want. This world view also applies to their children. They will abuse their children regardless whether they stay married to the other parent or not. During and after divorce, a narcissist’s emotional abuse of his or her children may seem more direct or blatant. Quite often, this is simply another tactic employed by narcissists to further control their former spouse. Unfortunately, the children pay the price for the narcissist’s games.

Narcissists are masters of lying. They will lie to their children and distort reality the same as they do to everyone else. Often, narcissists will sacrifice their children’s well-being in an attempt to save face. This leaves the children feeling confused and unsure of their own reality and judgment. Narcissists will ask their children to lie for them, keep secrets and to spy on the other parent.

Narcissistic parents do not respect their children’s desires. They may make promises to the children in order to gain compliance from the child, then refuse to honor the promises. Children may miss out on birthday parties, sporting events or other activities important to them in order to accommodate the narcissistic parent’s wishes. The children soon learn that what they want is not important when with the narcissistic parent.

Coping with a Narcissistic Parent

It’s important to understand that it’s impossible to control a narcissist’s behavior. Neither the narcissist’s spouse nor children are responsible for his or her behavior. Narcissists are who they are. The best the other parent can do for their children and themselves is to separate themselves as much as possible from the narcissist.

First and foremost, former spouses of narcissists need to seek professional support for themselves and their children. It’s important that both children and spouses of narcissists have someone outside the situation to support and validate their feelings and reality while trying to cope with a crazy-making narcissist.

Spouses also need to hire a lawyer who understands narcissism and how to best deal with it in court. It’s often best for abused spouses to seek full custody of the children. They should, however, be prepared to offer reasonable visitation. In addition, spouses of narcissists will do well to put as many negotiation points about the children as they can think of in the divorce decree. These include visitation, pick-up times, phone calls, school activities and vacations. It may seem excessive or restraining but in the long run these written agreements will often be easier than constantly renegotiating with an unreliable and emotionally abusive former spouse.

Divorce is never easy on children. Coping with a narcissistic parent makes a stressful situation even more difficult. Learning to identify the games narcissists play can help parents to minimize the emotional abuse children suffer at the hands of a narcissistic parent.

Sources:

Bancroft, Lundy. When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping Your Children Heal the Wounds of Witnessing Abuse. New York: Berkley Books, 2004.

Hotchkiss, Sandy. Why is is Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism. New York: Free Press, 2002.

Skerritt, Richard. Surviving the Storm: Strategies and Realities for Divorcing a Narcissist. Kennett Square, PA: Dalkeith Press, 2009.

Read more at Suite101: How Narcissists Abuse Children During Divorce http://www.suite101.com/content/how-narcissists-abuse-children-during-divorce-a289326#ixzz1B1OZTz1U

LIVE STREAM FOR THE The 8th Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/battered-mothers-custody-conference

 

The 8th Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference

Total views: 7CONFERENCE AGENDA

Friday, January 7th, 2011

4:00 – 5:30 p.m. Special pre-conference workshop: Karen Winner, Esq. How to Think Like a Lawyer on Legal Billing Issues

• Registration begins at 4:00 p.m.

• Exhibitors, book sales, and Silent (Chinese) Auction beginning at 5 p.m.

6:00 Opening greetings by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence and other BMCC co-sponsors; song by Tynia Canada

6:30 – 8:00 Lundy Bancroft

8:00 – 9:00 p.m. Meet and Greet with Coffee, Tea, and Cookies

9:00 - Special Friday Night Workshop: Meditation with Rev. Anne Curtin

Saturday, January 8th, Morning Session

8:30 Plenary I: Attorney and Author Wendy Murphy, J.D. : Landmark Massachusetts ruling: Ensuring the Rights of Disabled Victims in Judicial Proceedings.

9:15 – 10:15 Introductions by Barry Nolan Plenary II: Protective Mother Holly Collins and her son Zachary Collins with Attorney Alan Rosenfeld, J.D.

10:15 – 10:30 Break

10:30 – 11:30 Barry Goldstein, J.D., Joan Zorza, J.D. and Nancy Erickson, J.D. Panel on the book: Domestic Violence, Child Custody, and Abuse: Legal Practices and Policy Issues

11:30 – 12:15 Psychologist and Expert Joy Silberg, Ph.D.: Perspective of a Psychologist on the Front Lines

12:15 – 12:30 Break

Saturday, January 8th, Afternoon Session

12: 30 – 1:30 Saturday Working Luncheon: Professor and Producer Garland Waller: Screening and Discussion of No Way Out But One (working title): An Independent Documentary on Holly Collins - The First Woman to Be Granted Political Asylum on Grounds of Domestic Violence

1:45 – 3:30 Panel: Karin Huffer, Ph.D., Renee Beeker, Wendy Murphy, J.D., & Robin Yeamans, J.D.: Groundbreakers Present A New Trajectory: Managing Family Court Cases

3:45 – 4:45 Concurrent Workshop Session I

1. Renee Beeker & Paul Holdorf: The National Family Court Watch Project

The National Family Court Watch Project believes that large-scale data will reveal national trends and ignite a call for change in the family court system. The project is a conversation springboard and uses the technique of "quiet observer" to get a sense of what's happening inside family courts. We report those findings publicly through a new conduit and work with judges and the public to find solutions. We will be sharing latest data update as well as information about the increasing involvement from professionals and educators as we expand this effort around the country.

2. Joy Silberg: Using Expert Witness Testimony in Family Court Child Abuse Cases

This presentation will review some of the effective ways to use expert witness testimony in family court child abuse cases. The roles for an expert in these cases can include criticizing existing custody evaluations, reviewing symptoms and disclosures of the child, or being court appointed to do a child protection evaluation. The presenter will emphasize how to avoid pitfalls and what points to emphasize when helping a judge look at the information from a new perspective.

Saturday, January 8th, Afternoon Session

Concurrent Workshop Session I (cont.)

3. Massachusetts Protective Mothers for Custodial Justice, Inc. RESPECT FOR ADVOCACY-- PART II of “The Basics” RESPECT FOR ADVOCACY (PART II of “The Basics”)

I. Advocacy Basics

Working with Battered Mothers: Active Listening, Getting to the Matter, Getting to the HELP!

Supporting Battered Mothers: Resources, Abilities

Using Systems that Support Battered Women, Using Supports for Battered Mothers: What They Offer, What They Can’t & Why We All Need Each Other

II. Advocacy as Activism

• When to Resist, When To Comply & Whose Call That Is

• Unity: Defining our “Same Page”

Eliminating the Extraneous

Defending What We Fought For In the New War for our Children

4. Karin Huffer, Crystal Morgan-Huffer, & Jason Huffer: Silenced No More - Self Protection in the High Tech Age: You are Not Paranoid--Just Hypervigilant and Smart

Thirty self-protective actions you must take to ensure your safety and self protection in this high tech age. Domestic Violence victims suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and if they are stalked, intruded upon, and left unprotected they suffer legal abuse syndrome. Learn to safeguard yourself in and out of court proceedings. Privacy protection, the Americans with Disabilities Amendments Act, and Violence Against Women Act provide more protection than you may think.

5. Barry Goldstein, J.D.: How to Use the Book "Domestic Violence, Child Abuse, and

Custody." Earlier in the day, Joan Zorza, Nancy Erickson and Barry Goldstein will discuss how to use the research in the book to help your case. The workshop will be a more interactive session in which protective mothers can ask questions about how to use the book in their individual cases.

5:00 – 6:00 p.m. Concurrent Workshop Session 2

1. Erica Olsen: Violence Against Women in the Digital Age

Do you know how easy it is for some abusers to track their victim's every move, to monitor everything they do on a computer, in their cars, or on certain phones? Like many criminals, perpetrators of stalking and domestic violence are often ahead of the curve on the use of technology. Through the Internet, high-tech global positioning systems (GPS), cell-phones and handheld computers, abusers use technology to further harm and control their victims. Understanding technology misuse is crucial to both supporting victims and holding offenders accountable. Drawing from survivor experiences and through videos and demonstrations, this training will illustrate the safety risks of phone, GPS, camera, Internet, and computer technologies.

2. Karen Borders: High Risk vs. High Conflict Family Law Matters, Identifying the Differences

This workshop will discuss Family Violence Risk Assessments which address high-conflict risk cases, which get labeled as high conflict cases and rarely get the proper assessment, leaving the risk to children and to abuse victims. While the goal remains to serve the best interest of the children, it is critical to prove or disprove any allegations before determining best interest of the children. This new risk based approach is well rooted in evidence-based practices and truly addresses the best interest of the children while keeping safety as the priority. Courts throughout the United States are recognizing this multi-disciplinary team approach and methods of assessment in handling these volatile matters.

3. Nancy S. Erickson, J.D., LL.M., M.A. (Forensic Psychology): On Custody Evaluations

We will address as many of the following questions as time permits: Why are Custody Evaluations (CEs) ordered by courts? Have custody courts always used evaluators? Are they helpful to courts? Which mental health professionals (MHPs) are authorized to conduct them? How can I tell which MHPs are good evaluators? What rules, if any, are they bound to follow? What are the financial and other costs of CEs? How can I avoid an order for a CE? How can I prepare for one if necessary? How can I fight a bad one -- including one that uses against protective parents junk science like Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)? What other psychological theories should I watch out for? What psychological “tests” are often used? Are they valid and reliable? How can I fight a bad CE in court? How can I report an incompetent or biased evaluator?

4. Dara Carlin & Dr. Joyce Braak: Advocacy with an Open Case

Professional advocacy is one thing but when you're a mom with an open family court case, you're dealing with an entirely different ball of wax; a mistake for you doesn't mean a disciplinary reprimand - it could cost you your kids. This workshop will identify factors to bear in mind as you fight for your children (and your life!) with consideration for strategies that have worked (and failed). More than simply giving a presentation, I hope to encourage an exchange of experiences that will generate a list of ideas that we can disseminate to all conference participants. Mom Bloggers, especially - please come!

5.

Saturday, January 8th, Evening Session

6:00 – 7:30 p.m. Screening of the documentary Power and Control: Domestic Violence in America in the main conference ballroom (take-out dinner available on site at hotel restaurant)

7:30 pm Ben Atherton Zeman: Voices of Men Redux [Warning note: Includes graphic images of violence.]

9:00 Special Saturday Night After-Hours Session: Strength in Numbers: Sharing stories, sharing strategies, and organizing at the local level. Organized by Nancy Erickson, J.D., Janice Levenson (Protective Mothers Alliance), Renee Beeker (National Family Court Watch), and Paul Holdorf, J.D.

We are calling all protective mothers to meet and organize at their local levels. We will discuss general objectives and report on progress made in 2010 for protective moms (PMs). We will then break up into small groups based on residence (or location of the court involved, whichever is more important): county, part of the state, state, or other geographic area. In the small groups, facilitated by PMs, we will find out what are the worst problems for protective moms in that geographic area, what are the resources for PMs, and what we think can be done to help PMs. Each group will report back to the larger group, and we will plan our strategies for 2011.

Sunday, January 9th Morning Session

8:30 Plenary 2: Attorney Toby Kleinman: Our children are at risk, and their health is endangered: How can we hold the court accountable to protect them?

9:30 Plenary 3: Attorney Michael Lesher: Facing family court dangers: CPS, law guardians, experts -- Oh, my!

10:30 – 10:45 Break

10:45 – 12:30 Panel: Join Up! Leaders of the protective mothers’ movement share what they’ve been doing—and ask you to join them

• Janice Levinson/Lundy Bancroft, Protective Mothers Alliance

• Kathleen Russell, Center for Judicial Excellence

• Holly Collins

• Dara Carlin

• Ayanna Najuma, Inspirational Spirit of the Phoenix

• American Mothers Political Party

-Nancy Carroll: www.RightsForMothers.com

-Claudine Dombrowski: www.angelfury.com

-Lorraine Tipton: www.mamaliberty.wordpress.com

-Melanie Smith: Australian Shared Parenting Law Debate

-Randi James- www.RandiJames.com

• Kathy Lee Scholp & Jay Sutter: H.eroes O.n L.ine DE.fense N.etwork

12:45 – 2:00 Sunday luncheon-- Q & A and Community Dialogue

2:00 Close ( show less )

Videos

Highlights

• The 8th Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference 01/07/11 02:33PM0 views

• The 8th Annual Battered Mothers Custody Conference 01/07/11 02:16PM2 views

Protecting Kids: Rethinking the Hague Convention

Especially since in the USA and other Countries where ABUSERS get CUSTODY of the Children. A Battered mother can never escape the abuser—Dead or alive. Run mommy run!
136 Killer Dads: Fathers who ended their children's lives in ...Nov 10, 2010 ... 136 Killer Dads: Fathers who ended their children's lives in situations involving child custody, visitation, and/or child support (USA) .

An ethnic Chin refugee with her sons in New Delhi

Tengku Bahar / AFP / Getty Images

In 1980, an international treaty was designed to return children who had been abducted by a parent who moved to another country. Back then, the people drafting the treaty thought the typical abductor would be a noncustodial father skipping town with the kids, leaving mom with little recourse to try to get her children back. So what happens, three decades later, when research indicates that 68% of the abducting parents in cases under this treaty are mothers — and that many of them are fleeing abusive spouses?

The Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction, dubbed the Hague Convention after the place where it was finalized, has been adopted by 82 countries, which are expected to help return abducted children to their habitual residence within six weeks of a parent filing a petition. But Jeffrey Edleson and Taryn Lindhorst, lead researchers on a new study of Hague Convention cases, argue that the treaty is often used against women seeking safety for themselves — and for their children — from violent husbands. "We always thought that child abduction is a bad thing," says Edleson, a professor of social work at the University of Minnesota. "But in some cases, mothers are taking children to protect them from greater harm."(Read about countless Chinese children who have been kidnapped and sold to strangers.)

Building on a previous study by Nigel Lowe, a law professor at Britain's Cardiff University, that found more than two-thirds of alleged abductors in Hague cases filed worldwide were women, Edleson and Lindhorst looked at the more than 300 Hague Convention decisions that were published in U.S. courts between 1993 and 2008. Their new study, which was funded by the National Institute of Justice and will be published next year by Northeastern University Press, analyzed the 47 published U.S. Hague Convention court decisions involving allegations of domestic violence and included interviews with 22 battered mothers who responded to Hague petitions in U.S. courts. The majority of those women had their children ordered to return to another country.

The result in several cases was that the children — and their mothers, who generally accompanied them — faced renewed physical abuse upon their return, researchers found in interviews with the mothers. "Judges want to trust our treaty partners will provide protection for our children and mothers," says Merle Weiner, a law professor at the University of Oregon and one of the nation's leading scholars on the Hague Convention. "But sometimes that protection is not real. Sometimes the batterer is so dangerous that only geographical distance can make a difference."(Read about the abduction of Elizabeth Smart in her own words.)

To raise awareness of the issue, Edleson has organized a Dec. 10 event, timed to coincide with Human Rights Day, in Minneapolis, where actresses will read battered mothers' testimonies from Hague Convention cases. The readings will be interspersed with conversations between lawyers, legal scholars and social scientists on domestic violence and the Convention, which contains provisions that allow judges to refrain from returning a child if doing so puts him or her at "grave risk" of "physical or psychological harm." But too often, scholars and lawyers say, judges are not sufficiently steeped in the law to know that they have discretion to accept this as an applicable defense. Additionally, since the treaty's goal is to have children returned to their habitual residence within six weeks of a parent filing a Hague Convention petition, lawyers may not have enough time to assemble evidence that domestic violence occurred in the other country.

"I don't think the treaty is wrong," Edleson says. "It was put in place for the right reasons." But he and other experts say it's time to update how the Hague Convention is being implemented, to make it easier for battered mothers to argue that their kids should not be returned to a country where their violent husbands live. The U.S. could also act independently and add a similar provision to the International Child Abduction Remedies Act that Congress passed in 1988. "We've only recently realized that the great majority of taking parents are mothers," Edleson says. "It's important we make these adjustments so that the Convention fits this new reality."

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2036246,00.html#ixzz1AACSZweM

"Children Taken By the Family Courts" Quilt Project

Battered Women, Abused Children, and Child Custody: A National Crisis

The Battered Mothers Custody Conference

Visit www.batteredmotherscustodyconference.org for additional information,hotel reservations, and conference registration.

"Children Taken By the Family Courts" Quilt Project

The Conference has hosted a community quilt entitled "Children Taken by the Family Courts" since 2007. A short news clip showing the quilt at the 2009 conference is available online at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_qh-jX9qGk .

The quilt is modeled after the AIDS quilt that was started in 1987 and that has since grown tremendously, gaining wide publicity for the cause of combating AIDS and HIV infection.

We are asking mothers who have lost physical custody of their children through family or divorce court proceedings to create a 1.5’ by 3’ fabric panel to commemorate their child(ren).  Panels can be made before the conference and brought or mailed for inclusion in the quilt (see address below).  We will be providing some sewing materials and other necessities so that mothers can work on their panels during the weekend of the conference. Mothers do NOT need to attend the conference in order to have their panel included in the quilt. Complete instructions for creating and mailing panels are below.

Please display the following on the front of your panel:

The first name(s) and last initial(s) of the child(ren) of whom you lost custody as a result of family or divorce court proceedings.

The child(ren)’s date of birth and the county and state of the court system through which you lost custody.

The month and year you lost custody of your child(ren).

Any drawings, artwork, or items that make the panel meaningful to you.

On the back of your finished (backed and hemmed) panel, in an inconspicuous place (one that does not show through to the front) please write YOUR name, phone number, and e-mail address. Please also safety-pin a note to the panel with this information.

Write a statement

Please also take the time to write a statement about your child(ren) and briefly describe how you lost custody. Please include your name, e-mail address and phone number on this statement.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR MAKING PANELS

Your design can be vertical or horizontal, but the finished, hemmed panel should be 1.5 feet by 3 feet (45 cm x 90 cm).

The fabric can be traditional quilting material found at any fabric or craft store, or can be made up of scraps pieced together to meet the size requirements.

Batting for the panels is not necessary, but backing made of sturdy fabric is needed to help keep panels clean when they are laid out on the ground. It also helps retain the shape of the fabric.

When you cut your 2 pieces of fabric (panel front and the backing), leave an extra 2 inches on each side for a hem. Please sew your panel and backing pieces together, seams inside (like you are making a pillow), or hem them so that there are no raw seams on the outside. Hand sewing is fine if you don’t have access to a sewing machine. Please just do whatever you are able to do.

You may use most techniques and or embellishments, as long as they are secured well, including but not limited to: appliqué, piecing, embroidery, fabric markers, fabric paints, stenciling, beading, ribbons, sequins, or buttons (see descriptions below). Remember that the quilt will be folded and unfolded every time it is displayed, so durability is crucial. Since glue deteriorates with time, it is best to sew things to the panel.

Appliqué: Sew fabric, letters and small mementos onto the background fabric. Do not rely on glue - it won't last.

Paint: Brush on textile paint or color-fast dye, or use an indelible ink pen. Please don't use "puffy" paint; it's too sticky.

Stencils: Trace your design onto the fabric with a pencil, lift the stencil, then use a brush to apply textile paint or indelible markers.

Collage: Make sure that whatever materials you add to the panel won't tear the fabric (avoid glass and sequins for this reason), and be sure to avoid very bulky objects.

Sending in your panel:

If you will be attending the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, you can work on your panel over the weekend of the conference.  Some guidance and materials will be provided; you also are encouraged to bring materials with you.

If you will not be attending the conference, please ship your finished panel (make sure to use adequate protective waterproof packing material) to:

BMCC V

26 Purtell Avenue

Latham, New York 12110

Contact: mhannah413@aol.com

Thank you!

Dr. Gardner's ghost still haunts Rhode Island -- The Father of Parental Alienation

Dr. Gardner's ghost still haunts Rhode Island

By Anne Grant (about the author)

Dr. Richard A. Gardner by CincinnatiPAS.com

As Judge Haiganush R. Bedrosian becomes Chief of Family Court, it is time we banished the ghost of Dr. Richard Gardner, whose coercive tactics in Rhode Island courtrooms have been haunting families traumatized by domestic abuse.

Victims of terror do not present well in court. They are tense, emotional and understandably outraged. On the opposing side, tyrannical controllers can be calm and charming litigants, confident in the damage they have inflicted. Their lawyers, who are often accomplished bullies in their own right, tell astounding lies calculated to trigger a full display of symptoms in the victims.

Psychiatrist Richard A. Gardner designed a stealth weapon in 1985 that he called "Parental Alienation Syndrome." A domestic-violence-denier, Gardner testified for hundreds of fathers and argued that mothers had "alienated" their children against them. Gardner also wrote that sexual relations between parents and children were natural. He told filmmaker Garland Waller that children who report abuse by their fathers should be threatened with a beating. He committed suicide in 2003, but his ghost still haunts our courtrooms. Here are three examples from cases I have been following:

In 2004, Warwick police charged a Family Court deputy sheriff with felony domestic violence when they found his girlfriend handcuffed in their kitchen with a broken jaw and eye socket. Already entrenched in litigation, the deputy sheriff was an often-unruly defendant in the same courtroom where he once kept order. He demanded custody of his ten-year-old daughter, who was terrified of him.

In the corridor during a break, David M. Tassoni, assistant to Chief Judge Jeremiah S. Jeremiah, Jr., told me he was searching for a psychologist who "understood parental alienation." Tassoni found Lori Meyerson, PhD, in a cramped country office and invited her to serve at Family Court, where she testified that the deputy sheriff was a "happy, calm and level person." She had never visited either parent's home when she recommended giving the father sole custody. General Magistrate John J. O'Brien, Jr., praised Meyerson's work and declared this case to be "as close as you can get to parental alienation."

Tassoni told me he was working with Judge Bedrosian and a joint committee from the Court and the Bar Association on a training program to qualify guardians ad litem.  Their 2004 course and manual devoted an entire section to Gardner's theory of parental alienation.

Attorney Lise M. Iwon, who is now president of the Rhode Island Bar Association, helped teach that course, though she did not follow its guidelines in writing her report as guardian ad litem in another case. A three-and-a-half-year-old had protested behavior she described as her father's "sausage games" on days they spent alone. A pediatrician's office reported this to DCYF, who ordered the father out of the home. A few months later, the mother filed for divorce.

I asked why Attorney General Patrick C. Lynch had failed to convene a grand jury. He considered the child too young to be believed. Neither DCYF nor the AG used available technology to record this child's "excited utterances" in order to meet standards of evidence. They made no video of her reportedly vivid "reenactment" of an assault. No jury saw the graphic portrait she drew of her father.

Iwon succeeded in getting the girl and her older sister removed from an excellent mother and home. After sixteen months in state custody, the court gave the younger girl to her father and moved the older one from a shelter to a foster home, all at state expense. Iwon's course of action suggested that a Gardner-defense was underway. Like Tassoni's efforts on behalf of the deputy sheriff, Iwon sought psychiatric examiners, and found a pliable group in Massachusetts, where psychologist Bernice Kelly, PsyD, wrote that Iwon, herself, had suggested the possibility of "parental alienation."

In 2007, Kelly's report to the court listed Gardner's "eight symptoms" of alienation. She seemed unaware that the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges had identified this as "junk science" the year before. NCJFCJ had warned judges to strike any report referring to parental alienation from the record because it failed to meet standards of evidence.

This year, as the American Psychological Association prepares to publish the Fifth Edition of itsDiagnostic and Statistical Manual, its committee has steadfastly resisted pressure to elevate "parental alienation" to scientific credibility.

Yet Blue Cross and Blue Shield apparently reimburses providers for parental alienation "therapy." In 2007, psychologist Peter J. Kosseff, PhD, testified in Rhode Island that his court-ordered efforts to forcibly "reconcile" two teenagers with their father were not what Kosseff considered "therapeutic." Nevertheless, he billed Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield in Connecticut for "miscellaneous medical service" and got paid for those sessions--though they ended badly when the 14-year-old daughter suffered a breakdown and spent ten days at Bradley Hospital, costing the insurer many thousands more.

How long will the ghost of Dr. Gardner haunt Rhode Island's children? I am confident that Chief Judge Bedrosian does not share Gardner's pro-pedophile views. She is now in a position to end his ghostly reign in Rhode Island and to promote the highest standards of evidence in Family Court's handling of custody cases.

But one branch of government is not enough. Will Governor Lincoln Chafee demand thorough reform at the Department of Children, Youth and Families? The General Assembly has mandated that DCYF must, in 2011, start the process toward accreditation.

Will Attorney General Peter Kilmartin use technology and convene grand juries to examine evidence of sex crimes by family members against young children? (Two of the fathers above acknowledged that they were sexually assaulted in childhood, one by his father and the other by his grandfather.)

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At 64, I spend my life with my best friend, Phil West. (When marriage can be this good, why isn't it legal for everyone?) We are both retired United Methodist pastors who value what we learned in the Church and have moved on to new kinds of (more...)

Children who have suffered from domestic abuse need all three branches of government to work together and unequivocally banish Dr. Gardner's ghost from Rhode Island. 

Anne Grant was executive director of Rhode Island's largest shelter for battered women and their children from 1988 to 1996. There she learned how family court helps batterers control their families after divorce. She writes several blogs on domestic abuse custody cases, and contributed a chapter on Rhode Island to Domestic Violence, Abuse, and Child Custody: Legal Strategies and Policy Issues(Civic Research Institute, 2010).

Woman punched unconscious during child custody dispute

 http://www.mercurynews.com/breaking-news/ci_16934218?nclick_check=1

WALNUT CREEK -- Police Tasered a man who allegedly punched his ex-wife in the face during a child custody exchange and then fought officers who tried to arrest him.

Don West, 50, of Walnut Creek, was booked at the County Jail in Martinez on suspicion of domestic violence and making criminal threats after being evaluated at a hospital.

The assault took place at 5:50 p.m. in a municipal parking lot near a pub in the 1500 block of North Broadway, police Sgt. Lanny Edwards said.

Several people called 911 after seeing West argue with the victim over the custody exchange of two children, before knocking her unconscious with a punch.

West ran away, but returned later, police said. When officers tried to arrest him, he fought back and resisted arrest.

The victim was taken to a hospital with minor injuries.

Roman Gokhman covers public safety. Contact him at 925-945-4780. Follow him at Twitter.com/RomiTheWriter.

A LETTER FROM SANTA CLAUS

A LETTER FROM SANTA CLAUS

I received this letter last night…

Dear Virginia,

I am writing to you to let you know that Santa is not ignoring your most fervent request this Christmas, nor has Santa ignored these same requests for the past years. It’s simply that Santa can not give you what you want, because Family law and the Judges who govern these courts have deemed that your daddy does have the right to abuse you.  He is allowed to beat you, break your bones, torture, have sex with you, sodomize, molest or do anything else that he wants.

Please Virginia, don’t be angry or hate your mommy because she is not protecting you.  For the same rules and judges that allow your father to abuse you will force your mother out of your life if she objects.  So, your mommy can do nothing but hold your hand, wipe your tears and cry silently by herself while she sits helplessly by as your daddy continues to hurt you.  For, if she does object the chances are good that a Family Court Judge will deem her unfit or crazy and force her into only seeing you under supervised conditions.  During this time you will live with your daddy and he will have carte blanche to continue his abuse.  I repeat, Virginia, it is the Family Court system and the judges who govern over them that allow these atrocities to be committed against the children.

Also, Virginia, do not feel guilty when you are forced to lie to these same judges and claim that your mommy is a bad person.  Mommy and Santa understand that you have no choice.  For these same judges will send you home with daddy after you testify or talk to them and mommy and Santa know what daddy will do if you were to tell the truth.  Mommy and Santa understand that you are just trying to survive this horrible childhood of abuse and we still believe that you are a good girl.

Virginia, Santa is so sorry that he can not help you.  Perhaps next year, you should send your letter to the leader of an influential government and ask that he, or she, take a dramatic step in making changes in the Family Court system. Ask that these same judges that are sending countless numbers of children to live with fathers who abuse, beat, rape, sodomize and even kill them to be held accountable.  Ask that when a protective parent fights for their child’s safety that they not be automatically deemed an alienator.  Ask that the judges be forced to recognize that when an abusive parent/father fights for sole custody that they will win in approximately 70% of the cases.  Ask that when pictures and statements of abuse are provided that the family court judges be forced to acknowledge this evidence, instead of refusing to as they send the children to live in horrific circumstances.  For it is clear to Santa that these judges do not care that an average of 2 children a week are being murdered while many more are being subjugated to unspeakable abuse.

So, Virginia, in closing, Santa says that he is so sorry that he can not give you the gift that you most desire.  However, Santa will pray for year in this coming year.  Santa will pray that you receive one less beating, that you have one less broken bone, that Daddy visits your bedroom at night at least one less time in 2011. Finally, Santa will pray that you live to see the next year, because Santa knows that many children will not live to see 2012, for their daddy’s will kill them.

I am so sorry,

Santa Claus